No strings attached 2

He was ashamed of me for the most part,especially when his friends or cousins were around.
I wouldn't blame him too because I mean,I didn't 'look' good compared to the kind of girls he was exposed to.
Didn't dress well,didn't really have nice clothes so I didn't really look 'chicky'.
He was a bad habit and I struggled to let him go because I knew he had to go.
I gave my life to the Lord in that state and one of the things I had to do was to let go of him.
I remember crying to God severally that I just couldn't do it, I was too attached emotionally. I even told God that I wouldn't be a christian again if he insisted I let go. Thank God he didn't answer that request.

I know you would be saying well the guy didn't need you just let him go.

My answer: I know he didn't me,I know he treated me like trash but when you are damaged emotionally like I was,you pretty much settle for anything. Even if it meant eating from a trash can.

I did let him go eventually and tried to build a life with me and God.
I met a couple of other good friends who helped me become better. But I still had a lot to learn.

I still made wrong choices emotionally with guys. From falling for the 'bad handsome' guy to falling for 'good dirty' guy. I fell for almost all types.

I didn't understand the kind of love that God can give,I didn't know that his love could make me completely whole,inside and outside. But eventually,the healing started. I had to ask God to help me since I always made poor choices for myself and ended up getting hurt over and over again. And he brought a lot of people my way to help me with the healing process.

Fast-forward to today:
I'm happily married to a great man who happily plays the role of a father, (since I pretty much didn't know how a father can love) a friend, my 'girl friend', and a husband.
God used him to complete what he started in my life. He said he prayed to have some one as a wife who he would help become better. What other way to have his prayers answered than giving me to him. Lolzzz
At a stage I almost forgot that God was still the only one that I needed completely,I almost suffocated him with my emotional ish, but thanks to God that he helped me look to God to get my complete freedom and the strength to be the woman I am today.

Why am I sharing my past with you?

I don't care the wrong choices you have made over and over again or how messed up your life has been. Or how deep in pot hole you are.

But one thing I'm certain about is God can give you a fresh start as he did for me. God can make your life beautiful and fulfilling as he did mine.

But you've got to let him. Don't let your past hold you back,don't let your shame hold you shame.
Allow him to give you the peace that you're looking for and allow him make you whole and dependent on no one else,but him.

Shallom
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN